


La Douler Exquise

by sseundalkhom



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 22:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20320885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseundalkhom/pseuds/sseundalkhom
Summary: seokmin is a foolsoonyoung is a fooland they are just two fools in love, but they can't be together





	La Douler Exquise

**Author's Note:**

> recommend song : i was made for loving you by tori kelly and ed sheeran

He is beautiful in my eyes. Everything is perfect in my eyes. Even when others talks about his passion, his good looks, his personality and how crescent moon appears on his face as he smiles brightly like today; I can't help but agree with them. 

Since the start, from head to toe he have caught my eye and it fixes on him every single day. There is no day without him by my side, except for the part when those days i was being apart from him. I was serving military service, different divisions with him and at that time the days passed were hard for me.

But today, I'm with him and it does feel hard like those times. I feel so distant from him although he holds me tightly, clenching my hand hard--it seems like it looks. 

I smile at him, "it's okay," I say as I comfort him soon I notice a frown on his face. 

"No, you don't look okay," he says. 

"Do I look like that?"

"....actually yes."

"I'm going anywhere, don't you worry, Soonyoung."

He sighs, looking so pensive for me, I rub his knuckles gently. "Okay...as you say," he gives up. 

I gulp down my nervousness because it is not the first time he acts like that. It is just--I don't know what to do. My heart flutters whenever he does it. Well, if I can confess…I'm falling for him, since the first day I laid my eyes on him. 

"Seokmin…" he calls, soft and brightly. I nods.

"Are you really okay?" He indeed looks so worried, clenching my shoulder hard, I pat on his hand. 

"...um, if I can say, honestly no," he frowns, "because you look so dazzling today and it almost outshines my charm."

He does not say anything, yet laughing smugly at me. It is something which makes me speechless because he is so bright when he laughs. As if the sun has blessed with its sunshine and brightened my world.

"That's what I intend to."

I can't retort his words. Whether he aims for it or just joking with me, his laugh stops me breathing and mesmerising his looks. 

"Don't stare at me like that," he says, groggily drifting his eyes to somewhere else and avoiding my eyes. 

"You are the king today, I can't stop looking at you."

He nods, lazily, "not until you see the bride, perhaps she will be awed."

My heart sinks as he tells me that. And the ship is sinking deeper as the bride walks into the chapel and on the aisle, I clearly see how he fixes his eyes upon her only. 

I'm jealous. 

☀️🌟

  
  


> ** _I was made for loving you_ **
> 
> ** _Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through_ **
> 
> (I'm made for loving you by tori kelly)

  
  


I do remember that I have made a promise to Soonyoung. I would give a congratulatory song. I would sing at his wedding. I should have presented him a big gift to his wedding since I would not give any money to him.

But one thing I regret is him, who smiling brightly, in total contrast to my heart's condition which sobbing in pain as watching him before me. I never knew that J was a fool who loved him that much.

_ "You are so pathetic, Seok,"  _ that is. It is enough to hear and agree of what his mind tells him. As if it judges him hard and J can not do anything regarding it, I just stares blankly at the ceiling and let the outside noise to lull me. I recall the moment when I saw him at the first place. He welcomed me, reaching out to hold me and led me to go through every single turmoil in my life. He was a figure that I adored as a teacher. No--a close senior I had, back then. He was with me, in every break he had--he tried finding a way to come to me. Asking to smile, asking me to dance, asking me to sing, asking me to hug me; it was the beginning of my suffering. 

And when he came into my life, everything has changed. As if he enlightened me with his charm, I was attracted to him. No matter how many girls has come to me, trying to steal my attention but my wide smile always went for him. My clapping hand would always clapped the hardest at his passion and out-of-control excitement. But it would drop a little when I saw his smile was aiming for someone else and when he got upset because of someone else. 

On the wedding day, I know. I lose my chance. No--perfectly it is not meant for me. There is no way for me to have a chance to be with him, in this country, neither in everyone’s eyes. No one will welcome us if I push myself to be with him. I would hurt him, in a way I never intended. 

“What should I do, Soonyoung-ah?” I mumble, alone in this dark room. Recalling everything I have in my memories. I know I have a big crush on him. I give him a big heart; all of me to him. Also, I know my position. I have a little space in his heart,  _ just a friend _ as it appears.  _ A brother _ is enough to explain what I am to him, instead of being just a friend. 

My tears come out without me realising, leaving alone the wrenched heart inside. His picture inside my mind hurt me so much, although I know it will be like this, I ain’t ready for the pain of not having him. 

☀️🌟

> _ A month later… _

Yeah, it has been a month since the last time I saw him in white, in his gorgeous look. 

It has been a month that I have not received a text from him. 

I just want to know if he is fine. Even though I know, he will be fine. He is happy right now, not shedding a tear for the girls that hurt him in the past.

_ (the phone is vibrating) _

I look at the screen and read the name of the caller loudly. Almost screaming, he shrinks into his chair. The person is calling him. 

“Hello?” 

_ “I thought you’ll kick me out.” _ My brows automatically frowns at his words. 

“What…” 

He laughs. Yes, he does. And it tinglings my ear.  _ “I’m angry at you, Lee Seokmin.” _

I scowl, indeed. Who is Soonyoung to dare himself getting angry at me? No, he can’t. Never. 

“You are? How could?” 

_ “You did not call me for a month, Lee Seokmin.” _

Yes, I did. But I was waiting for his call, on the other hand he has waited for my call too. It is so dumb, I should have called him earlier instead of being a fool like now. 

“Sorry…” 

_ “It’s okay, perhaps you’re busy.”  _

Of course I am busy. I am busy running away from the reality which slapped me in the face hard. I’m busy to distract myself from him, everything about him which make me stop for a while and being so desperate for having him. 

“Well, tasks take my life,” I do not lie, I say the truth beside I’m in the state of running away from  _ you, _ “so--how’s Yeoreum?” 

He sighs. Please, Kwon Soonyoung, don’t sigh--I don’t need to hear your breathe clearly through the phone and i don’t want to misinterpret your panting. “Something wrong?” I ask. 

_ “Nothing,” _ he said. He lies. I know. 

“How’s honeymoon?” Damn my stupid mouth, why do I brag it now? I want to knock my sanity hard because earlier I read his sigh, now I’m asking about his honeymoon. Why do I pretend to be curious about his new life? So stupid of me. 

_ “Santorini is good, very good--but yeah her liking. We did not fail to impress her.” _

I chuckle. “I know, right.” It is, the part of impressing her that catch him off-guard. 

_ “Thank you, Seokmin…” _ I know which part he thanks me for. Going to Santorini just two of me and him like a honeymoon or short holiday where I could be with him only. Despite the fact that we were just researching the place for his honeymoon, I could not help myself not being a miserable one here. “I was just being stupid one, offering myself to Soonyoung and went there together. I was like in music video for tragic love ballad. But I did not lie that I was a little bit happy because I was with him. 

"It's okay," I tell bitterly, "actually it's good to hear."

He only hums. 

"Are you okay?" 

He does not answer. There is a vague silent that he gives to me.  **I don't want to misinterpret anything here but ** damn for my stupid mouth . "Do you guys fight?"

_ "Yeah," _ I hold my breath,  _ "it's okay, small fight for newlyweds." _

I don't know if it's fine for the first month of their relationship. I just can't keep ignoring the matter but I have no right to interrupt their matter also. 

"You know you can share some story to me, don't drink." I shamelessly offer myself again. Seokmin and his pathetic antics, I curse myself. 

_ "I want to meet you." _

His heart drops. Something really bad perhaps leads the couple to fight. I don't want to ask but I'm curious. Because I don't like anyone to hurt my precious Kwon Soonyoung. 

_ "Can I meet you, Seokmin?" _

I can not give the answer directly. I hesitate to do so. I wonder many  _ ifs _ . 

"Why?"

_ "I need my booster. I need to see the sun."  _ He is truly smart at his words, it does make some move inside me if I lose control over myself. 

"You need to see Yeoreum. She is your sunshine, Soonyoung." 

He chuckles, loud enough to let me hear it clearly. The audible clicking sound that makes me quite gripping hard on myself. He knows my excuse. Pretending to be busy is actually the best but I can not run away when I know he needs me right now. 

_ "The usual. After work, usual spot and I want to see you." _ So demanding and it overpowers upon me. Soonyoung and his demanding pride, damn. 

"I can't promise." No need to hear his answer, that man hangs up the call. I just stare into the stupid screen. I am indeed a fool who blinded by love. 

☀️🌟

The man is really waiting for me. Don't ask what he's like now. He looks very chaotic. I don't even understand what happened to him during the past month. As I come closer to him, I clearly see the exhausting look on his face. It is so unexplainable and enough for me to know that Soonyoung is in a bad state and I don’t know how to console him for feeling better. Also, I notice he orders a milk inside the bar. Thankful that all this time they are regular customers at the bar, so at least there is a special supply of milk from Soonyoung if he has a problem and wants to drink like now. 

“So, Soonyoung…” 

Before I can register all the words and the question to him, he pulls me into his embrace. It does feel so warm and the scent is so typical of him. I glance at the barista, she looks away and continue her job to serve the other customer. 

“Yeoreum…..she’s pregnant.” 

Great, another news in this kind of day I have to live on. 

“....but that kid isn’t mine. I never touched her before, even during the honeymoon.” 

I widen my eyes. I know Soonyoung will always be so vanilla, won’t go over the line and being so typical people these days. That’s why he is so precious and pure for me. 

“I don’t know what to do,” he sobs. I only pat his back and being so clueless of what we shall do next. 

“I ain’t ready to touch her. I never want to make love with her.” 

I rise one of my brows at him. “....then why you marry her?” 

“Because I love her…” 

His words are true. It is clearly seen through his eyes whenever he sees her in every move she takes. 

“....but I know my love isn’t bigger for her.” 

I quickly change my brows into a frown. “What do you mean?” 

“During my honeymoon, I regret the biggest choice I’ve taken.” 

I become silent. I need to hear more of his story.

“...I’ve been falling for you.” 

I break the hug unconsciously. So I am a dumb one, hoping for that  _ friend _ to feel the same but in the end I feel it is wrong. I suddenly wake up from the desperate prayer. Soonyoung should've not fallen for me. He shall not. No, he must look at me as a friend, as a brother. 

It should be me who the only one looking at him as if he is my sunshine. The star in my dark world. He should not have the same feeling. I can not let it happen. Because….

he is married to Yeoreum. 

"Soonyoung…"

He hums, weak. 

"I do love you, more … a lot more than you can think." He looks down, not dare to look at me, or he does not have the courage to face me anymore? 

“....but it’s wrong. You have Yeoreum, no matter what happens, she is your wife. "

I am sorry for him. If only he could meet a better person earlier instead of falling over heels toward his wife, he would be happy. I also can be happy, despite all the pain I have of loving him. 

"Yeoreum….."

Yes, you are calling out for her name, Kwon Soonyoung. I don't know if it would turn out like this, I am sorry. I am trying to shift my position and pull himself back into my hug. I know he is having a bad day, but it doesn’t mean I have to push him away after knowing his remorse. In spite of calling her name only brings another pain to my heart, I just want him happy in a right way. 

"....I'm sorry but you can't love me like that, Soonyoung, you have Yeoreum," that's all I can spit out from my lips, after mustering all the comfort words that only hurt me but seeing him like that bring more pain to me.

"How to love Yeoreum and her child after today?"

I smile bitterly. It is hard for me, moreover it is beyond my imagination for me since I never want to face the case in my life before. I never want this to happen to anybody, especially Soonyoung. 

Every word come to stop, hesitant to utter from my lips. It is stuck in my throat and suffocate me. I can't do anything. 

"The baby does not know anything."

"How if sooner or later she wants a divorce?"

"She won't."

"No, she might do it later. Because before this marriage started, the baby from other is in her tummy."

"Kwon Soonyoung…."

"If someday she leave me…." he looks up and stare right into my eyes, entrusting his sadness into me and as if his eyes is talking something quicker than his lips which is in hesitation right now, "can I run to you?"

My brain still stops working at this state, thus far it is the first time that my brain stops working when I need it in the crucial time. I can not think. ALERT PLEASE MY BRAIN, GOSH LEE SEOKMIN I'm mad at myself for being error. 

His eyes are waiting for my answer and here I am being so dumb and quiet. 

"....it's okay if you don't let me come to you--"

"It's always welcome for you only." 

_ What did I say to him?  _ His eyes curl up, showing the crescent moon and giving a relieved smile. 

_ Why my heart takes control over me …  _ I can't stand watching him so vulnerable and having faith in me. It isn't meant that I hate him for leaning on me. Just…

Just it's hard for my brain to register everything in one blow. 

A moment later when I register everything inside, on process of interpreting my words then I regret my life. It is because I’m a simply dumb or what? And here, inside my arm, Soonyoung snuggles against me, being drunk and on my bed, I don’t let him go. 

Typical stupid people--I guess. 

The way I promise myself to not let have a heartbreak, now it’s so contrast of what I have put my words. I welcome him again, making myself to be his nestle when he needs a run. 

At this point, I promise myself, if in the next life, I will make him mine without any hesitation, without any doubt--so neither of us will encounter a heartbreak. 

**Author's Note:**

> it might be a bad writing, but it was supposed to be 1500words, why it's surpassed the limit :(   
please drop your comment below and seoksoon love you reader ^^


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